A dessert absolutely nobody asked for – Cooking with the Hankster

Trailer Park Crème D-Hank

A dessert absolutely nobody asked for, born at 2:30 a.m. under a flickering lightbulb.

Ingredients

• 1 sleeve of saltine crackers
• Peanut butter or cream cheese or both if the night’s gone sideways
• Sugar. White, brown, or that packet you stole from the gas station
• Butter. Real or “spread.” We are not picky people
• A splash of milk, coffee creamer, or whatever liquid confidence you have
• Optional garnish: chocolate chips, sprinkles, or shame

How to Make It

1. Crush the crackers in the sleeve like you’re settling a family feud.
2. Dump crumbs into a bowl. If you don’t have a bowl, congratulations, the counter is the bowl.
3. Add peanut butter or cream cheese. Stir until it looks like drywall paste but friendlier.
4. Splash in milk or creamer until it turns from “brick” to “probably edible.”
5. Melt butter in the microwave and pour it in slow like you’re in a cooking show you don’t belong on.
6. Sprinkle sugar on top like you’re salting a driveway.
7. If you’re brave, hit it with a lighter or broiler for three seconds and then panic.

Serving Instructions

• Eat it warm, directly from the bowl.
• Stand at the sink like a possum with a spoon.
• Tell yourself it’s basically cheesecake.

Chef’s Guarantee

• Too sweet? Keep eating.
• Too salty? Keep eating.
• Too weird? Congrats, you made art.

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