Hillbilly Hot Melt, it’s Cooking with Hank

2:33 AM Hillbilly Hot Bologna Melt 

Ingredients

• 1 thick slice of bologna. Thicker than your uncle’s accent
• 1 slice pepper jack cheese
• 2 slices white bread or whatever’s left in the bag
• Butter, margarine, or “that tub that might be butter”
• Optional but encouraged
  • Pickles
  • Mustard
  • A splash of hot sauce
  • Potato chips for crunch

Directions

1. Put a skillet on medium heat. Not “chef medium.” Trailer-park medium.
2. Cut four slits in the bologna so it doesn’t bubble up like it’s alive.
3. Toss the bologna in the pan and fry until it curls, browns, and smells like regret and comfort at the same time.
4. Butter the bread. Generously. This is not a health decision.
5. Put the hot bologna on the bread, slap on the pepper jack, and cover with the other slice.
6. Grill the sandwich until the bread is golden and the cheese starts oozing like it’s trying to escape.
7. Optional upgrade: Open it up, add pickles or mustard, then close it back up like nothing happened.

Serving Suggestion

• Eat standing at the counter.
• Wash it down with a cold soda, leftover coffee, or whatever’s in the cup from earlier.
• Stare into the middle distance while chewing.

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Hillbilly Bonus Variations

• The Wake-the-Neighborhood Version: Add crushed chips inside the sandwich.
• The Fancy One: Pepper jack plus American cheese. That’s dual citizenship.
• The Wild Card: Fry the bologna in bacon grease if there’s a pan already dirty.

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