Spicy Mustard Hotdog Roll-Up of Questionable Dignity

RICHLAND CENTER, Wis (WRCO ENTERTAINMENT) – Cooking with Hank:

The 2:30 A.M. Spicy Mustard Hotdog Roll-Up of Questionable Dignity

Ingredients:

2 hotdogs (bonus if one is missing a bite because you “tested” it raw)

A heroic fistful of shredded cheese

Spicy mustard — the kind that makes your nose run instantly

Bread or a tortilla (whichever looks least moldy)

Potato chips, Doritos, or whatever crumbs you find in the bottom of the bag for garnish

Optional: that sad pickle you forgot about in the back of the fridge

Step 1: Self-Assessment

It’s 2:30 a.m. You are standing in your kitchen wearing pajama pants with questionable stains. You don’t need a gourmet meal; you need survival fuel. Deep breath. Let’s do this.

Step 2: Hotdog Decisions

Boil ‘em, fry ‘em, microwave ‘em… or just stare at them until you hear them whisper, “Just nuke us, champ.” Toss them in the microwave. Set for 1 minute. Forget you set it. Remember 12 minutes later. Eat anyway.

Step 3: Tortilla vs. Bread Showdown

If you’ve got a tortilla: Congratulations, you’re basically an international chef.

If you’ve only got bread: Smush it flat with your hand until it sort of resembles a tortilla. (This step may involve tears.)

Step 4: Assembly Chaos

Lay down your tortilla/bread. Slap on way too much spicy mustard — enough to burn your sinuses clean. Drop in your hotdog(s). Sprinkle cheese like you’re making it snow on a low-budget Hallmark Christmas movie.

Step 5: The Roll-Up Struggle

If tortilla: Roll it up tight, pretending you’re a sushi master.

If bread: Realize halfway through that it doesn’t roll. Call it “abstract cuisine.”

Step 6: Bonus Crunch Factor

Crush potato chips on top for “texture.” Translation: it looks fancy but is really just a cover-up for bad decisions.

Step 7: The Final Bite-Take a big bite. The mustard hits. Your eyes water. You wonder: Is this delicious or am I just delirious? Doesn’t matter. You keep eating.

Cooking time: 5 minutes.

Regret window: Immediate.

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